just some things

Hello! I am tired right now, but the kids are playing nicely and I had some pictures from my camera to upload to the computer, so I thought I would do a little post while they load.

I cannot tell you how happy I am that school is over!  Life has been busy the last couple of weeks - good, happy, socializing with people busy though!  I love it.  I go through spurts where I feel like I am so disconnected from everyone and then I suddenly do tons of things with people like almost every day and I feel SO energized and I remember how much I need to get out.  This weekend we hosted a bonfire, hung out at the beach on Sunday, Monday night I had a ladies night for Beauty Society, Wednesday I had a new friend and her daughter over for a playdate (her and Hailey play so well together, it is adorable), and today we went to another playdate, hung out at the beach with friends and watched Shea's preschool "rodeo" he has been practicing for all week.

Ah.  Plus, I have finally had the energy to get out in the garden (a little bit - everything is growing so well this year, I LOVE it) keep the house clean, and make something other than tacos for dinner. T-ball will be over in two weeks and we just bought a tent and are taking the kids camping at La Push in a couple of weeks, which will be our first real "rustic" camping trip with them.

I had a kidney infection almost a month ago that knocked me out for over a week.  I received really bad care at the urgent care clinic on Bainbridge Island and ended up in the ER after a weekend of super high fevers that would not go down.  Worse feeling in the world is being a sick mommy and not being able to take care of your kids.  I felt like a brand new person after getting an IV and getting my meds straightened out though.

I don't know what else to share!  I have a bunch of fun little photoshoots coming up that I am doing for some friends for free, just to practice and build up my portfolio some more. I have been running for the past month.  Yesterday I ran 6 miles!  I am totally amazed I can run that far, and even more amazed that I LOVE IT.  I have never really gotten into running in the past, and now I am addicted. Jeremy and I have a deal that if he gets to go disc golfing, once the kids are in bed, I go for a 30-60 minute run.  I think I like it because no little children can interrupt me.  I can just GO.  I am thinking about training for a race, but I don't really need the motivation anymore.  My next goal is 7 miles, and then I want to be able to run to the end of Indianola road and back, which might be around 10 miles round trip, not sure.

The kids have been fighting almost constantly lately and I am feeling the need to figure out what to do in this new stage with changing dynamics between them. 

I made a "cliff" today to hang up in the kitchen and Shea made pictures of each of us (as toy story characters, OF COURSE) and now if he disobeys or acts unkindly, etc. his person gets moved to the edge of the cliff.  Same for Hailey, me, and Jeremy. We talked about how when he is still at the top of the cliff, it is easier for mommy to help him so he can come back away from the edge.  Then there is a branch on the side of the cliff, so if he continues to disobey, he falls and is holding on to it.  This is if he throws an insane screaming tantrum which has been happening a LOT lately.  The idea is that he can always come back, but he may need more help from me the further he falls and it will take more work to get back to the top where it is safe (which is a good reminder for ME to stop and help him, too).  I guess it is kind of like the "doghouse" thing some parents do, but I feel like this shows that it is his actions that causes him to "fall", rather than just being put in a cage for disobeying, if that makes sense. Anyway, I don't know how it will work, but so far it seems to be a good visual, because he can kind of see where he is standing and improve his behavior,and he takes ownership for it since he helped make it.  He basically loses privileges along with how far he is on the cliff and there is possibility for an award if he stays at the very top away from the edge. Ha, that was a long explanation. These are the things I lay awake at night thinking about. 

I wish I could share pictures with you, but we have decided to go a bit media free over the summer.  We packed up the Wii and put away the DVD player, and since I am done with school we even put our internet connection on hold for the summer.  I can make my phone a wifi hotspot when I need to do something quick on the computer, but we don't have a ton of data on our plan at a high speed so I can't upload pictures unless I take the laptop up to the church.

I guess that is it. I made pudding and we are having homemade pizza for dinner.  I also just picked an insane amount of kale from our garden (we have almost 20 plants!) which I am going to turn into kale chips.  Tonight I am going to a DoTerra essentials oils party a mom from Shea's preschool is throwing.  I don't know much about essential oils, but have wanted to learn about it for a while, so I'm looking forward to it (plus, getting out of the house without KIDS makes it even better).  I hope you are all enjoying your spring so far.  Candice, I am amazed every time I see you post a picture of Callum on Facebook - he just looks so different and so much older now!  

A Friend Goes Home

Today was weird.

I went to the orthopedist about my finger because it was swollen and I was concerned, but he was like "It looks great!  You can take off the splint now!"  Of course the problem before had been that I couldn't straighten it, but now because of the splint I was wearing, I can't bend it!  I walked to the PT center I'm so familiar with and made an appointment for hand therapy.  I was annoyed because I had to put in all my information again, as if I hadn't already been a patient there.  It took so long.

Then I was going to visit Nana who is in the hospital again and had surgery yesterday.  Then I was going to see if Heather's mom wanted a visit (I'd heard she was in the hospital with pneumonia.)  On my way to see Nana, I ran into some friends.  I was like "Hey!  Are you here to visit Sue?"  And they said, "Amber, Sue died this morning."

Shock is really the only thing I felt.  She's had all kinds of cancer and multiple autoimmune diseases, yet she's always pulled through.  And she was always over at Heather's house helping out even when I knew she felt terrible.  So when I heard she was in the hospital with pneumonia it just seemed like all the other times when she's gotten so sick she's almost died.  She was sixty years old. 

So I ran to where the family was.  I know I didn't have to run but I couldn't handle my own shock.  I sat with Heather, read to Zari, just really sat because other people were taking care of things like food and planning a meal for the family that evening and there wasn't anything I could do.  They were willing to let me see Sue's body and say goodbye.  I had many intimate conversations with Sue over the last few years.

Kathy was expecting me to meet them to see Nana because I'd already asked if I could come visit after my appointment.  Heather told me it was okay for me to tell Kathy so I went upstairs and told her.  We went down together, not much to do...stand around talking with other people who are close to the family, not knowing how to help...occasionally bursting into tears ourselves.  The family left and we went back upstairs.  I spent a few moments with Nana and then Mom and I decided to go out to lunch.

And then...the rest of the day happened, I guess.  I took a long, hard nap.  Now I'm making soup and watching Survivor and posting at the same time...I have dealt with so little death in my life.  And now I'm at a loss for comforting...all I can do is sit and cry and sometimes grieving people need that company and sometimes they just need people to stop asking "how can I help" and just have some alone time.

Anyway.  I'm a little muddled in the head right now.  I'm fine, just muddled!

Becconing Amberlance (or, The Early Years): For Your Enjoyment

I just found the two old blogs becca and I used to keep..if you get bored and want some insight into our teen years.

Becconing Amberlance Archives (Dec 2004-Apr 2006)
Becconing Amberlance (Apr 2006-Dec 2007)

Here's a sample from one of the first posts:

"Part of the reason Amber and I started this blog was so we could model our perfect friendship to those of you who long to have the same fulfillment in your life."

And becca - it seems I'm the one with a "natural layer" now!  ;)

Just Stuff

We almost got a foster child this last weekend.  We had known about her situation 8 months ago (she's a friend of a friend) and she needed emergency placement this weekend...and I was shocked that Joe (reluctantly) said yes, only for the weekend.

I cancelled my plans to go on the church ladies' retreat and began cleaning up the house, as I was told she would be arriving within a few hours.  But a few hours passed and I hadn't heard from the social worker.  I called again and it turned out they had found a placement with family - which is REALLY good, way better for her.  But it still broke my heart because I don't know what God has...if Joe will ever say yes again.  I was so mad at God.  I had just gotten to the point where I was like "Okay God, maybe we'll never have kids...I'll trust you and obey."  Then this happens and I get my hopes up, only to have them dashed.  It felt like God was teasing me.  As soon as I become okay with no kids, he dangles a kid in front of me!  I know that's not really what happened but I don't understand why he even bothered to have them call us at all.

(I started this post yesterday but got interrupted...so sorry for the abrupt topic change...)

On Wednesday I had 3+ hours of dental work done under sedation.  I took a pill an hour before we left for the appointment...I don't even remember getting in the car.  I just woke up on the couch.  Halcyon is crazy stuff.  Needless to say I'm a little sore but alright.  The dental appointment was because I apparently grind my teeth in my sleep, and managed to crack one tooth and remove a filling from another tooth.  So now they're supposed to fit me for a mouthguard.  Guess I should call them about that.  *sigh* I hate the dentist...I have some Halcyon left so maybe I'll take that.  (Totally kidding!)

Let's seee...did I tell you about my finger splint?  I did something to the tendon (no idea how) and the orthopedist says I have to wear this splint for six weeks.  I am great at typing without my left middle finger now.

Also I appear to be getting sick again.  I had a bad cold the month of March.  Now I seem to have another cold.  It's still weird to be sick.  It makes me wonder exactly how well the immunosuppressants work - like, how much of an immune system do I even have?  I think I know how I got sick - a lady at Bible study was sick last week and she sat next to me.  At the time I thought "Amber remember, you have to be careful, you're immunosuppressed" but I'm so used to not caring if I'm around sick people because I never used to get sick...anyway.  I was productive this morning and then the cold really hit me hard so I watched tv.

Still New

Today is one of those days where I just don't want to be new anymore.  I've had a good attitude this move for the most part and I know it takes time to get to know people and feel comfortable, but some days I just don't want to do it anymore.  I have three things a week I go to now, on Mondays I go to a Mom to Mom Bible study at a community church, on Wednesdays I go to coffee break at my church (all older ladies and Callum is the only kid in nursery) and Fridays I go to a public play group.  The Monday group is the newest one, today was my second time.  I love the study and the ladies seem really nice.  Last night I had a rough night with Callum, we hosted Bible study but he needed to be comforted so I had to be out for most of it and then he woke up at 4 AM and had trouble going back down and cried for about an hour and a half.  So today I just wanted to sit down with a friend and talk about the stress and frustration of it all, and it's so hard to with a group of people I don't know yet.  Then after Mom to Mom today Callum screamed and cried in the car most of the way home.  He's asleep now thankfully.  Today I just feel new and alone, but I know tomorrow will be better.

Life has been good though, I am really enjoying this year off with Callum.  I've had a lot of time to think and reflect.  One of the things I've been convicted about lately is my stuff.  Even though I don't spend a lot of $ on stuff, I'm constantly dealing with it and focusing on how to get more stuff that will enhance our lives.  I feel God is challenging me to live with less and focus more on my family than having to deal with my things.  I started going through my clothes and bags and have a box full of stuff and want to go through my kitchen and sewing stash.  I know I can live with way less!

Justin and I have been working on the outside of the house now that the weather is warmer.  Last weekend I cleaned our front porch and love the space now! It had layers of dirt and grime.  I first swept, mopped then went through four basins of warm water scrubbing on my hands and knees.  It was so worth it though.  We live on a dead end street and really enjoy sitting out there and chatting over a drink.

Yesterday we walked to church!  We'd been talking about it and finally did it.  It only took us 25 minutes, and it felt so good to have that time to walk and talk in the morning.  On our way back Callum feel asleep in the stroller so we stopped at a Bistro by our house and ate lunch on the patio.  It was still a bit chilly but we were dressed for it, so it wasn't too bad.  We live a couple blocks away from Wortley Village which has a few stores and restaurants.  We really enjoying being able to walk to a lot of things! 

Callum's eczema is still a struggle and I'm working on better sleep solutions for him.  Right now he sleeps in a sleep sack with the arm holes sewed shut so that he doesn't scratch.  I made him a zippadeezip, but I tried it out the week he was teething so it didn't go over so well.  I think I'll try it again this week.  I'm happy with how it turned out though.  I want to make more and do a few tweaks to my pattern.  

Justin and I have been getting our puzzling on lately!  We feel like we watch too much TV and Justin's brother and his wife started doing a puzzle so I picked one up at Goodwill.  It's a lot more fun than I thought it would be.  I find that I'll sit down for five minutes and an hour will go by.  My 2 years old niece was over the other day and wanted to "help" do the puzzle.  I was out of the room for a few minutes getting lunch ready and when I came back she had taken apart half of the puzzle!  She thought she was helping and was really upset when she realized she had messed it up.  I felt bad that she felt bad! 

Justin and I have been talking a lot about our trip to the Philippines.  We really want to do it soon before my parents retire but it's so hard to figure out when a good time would be.  We were thinking November, but since Melody got engaged, my parents want to go to the wedding and we would too, hopefully.  So now we might go to the Philippines in August!  I still won't be working and we won't have to worry about getting Callum out of daycare (he'll be in part-time).  The only thing is Justin might not be able to get it off, so we'll see.  It's been a dream of mine to go back.  I know that it'll work out if God wants it to and he has the perfect timing for us.  It's really hard though to be patient after years and years of waiting already and now we have the money and time to go.   Sometimes I just want to be done learning life lessons! :) 

Well, I should go eat lunch.  It feels so good to blog and share about life.  I'm so thankful for this blog even though I'm not on much, it's great that it's still here!

So busy.

And I love it.  Learning how to juggle.  Here's some of the things I've been doing:

• Weekly after-school kids club for the students across the street at the elementary school
• Weekly small group
• Weekly Bible Study
• Weekly my mom comes to hang out and play board games
• Visiting Joe's grandma in the hospital
• Gym (not as much as I should)
• Hosting two girls last weekend who were part of the "Children of the World" choir
• Babysitting Colton this weekend
• Watching kids at the church while their parents attended a marriage conference yesterday
• Helping out some folks in small group (taking meals to sick, picking up kids from school, taking one of their kids to PT who just had surgery)
• People over for dinner
• Taking a family to church today
• Taking a meal to a homeless shelter
• Transporting some ladies from the homeless shelter to a church event

This is "fun" stuff so I've been behind on housework.  However I'm mostly caught up on my daily chores.  I had a friend coming and doing my weekly chores for me while I watched her kids, but their family has been sick so the floors are in terrible need of cleaning.  I've also sucked at tidying up the house.  Rachel's coming for dinner; thankfully it's just Papa Murphy's pizza.  But I really want to try out a new recipe for cream cheese brownies.

Bad babysitter move yesterday:  Colton fell asleep in the car when I was driving back from doing childcare at the church.  I let him sleep in the car for about an hour and then woke him up.  He came inside and crashed on the couch.  He had been coughing some so I wondered if he was getting sick and let him sleep for another hour.  And he obviously couldn't get to sleep last night.  He kept waking me up because he couldn't sleep (after he refused to sleep on the top bunk unless I slept on the bottom bunk - not happening, but I made him a fort out of blankets on the bottom bunk and that made him happy.)  Joe was frustrated because Colton wanted the hall light on, and around midnight finally told Colton he had to suck it up and be bored in bed.  I did let him play with some cars for a while and gave him some books.  Still, not smart babysitting move. 

Colton's looking forward to church today though he says he will not go to the kids care and he wants to sit with me, especially for the singing.  I encouraged him to go build social skills but he doesn't want to, so whatever.  He refused to play with the other kids at childcare yesterday too...and was actually really rude to some of them.  We had several stern talkings-to...I've never had him behave this poorly.  Funny how taking away screen time motivates so quickly, though.  Only child syndrome, I guess.

I got an online membership to America's Test Kitchen.  I've made 3 of their recipes so far:  chicken stew, sesame-crusted salmon with lemon and ginger, and gluten free chocolate chip cookies because we had GF company.   One problem is that they test the best equipment and so now I want different pans...a broiler rack...etc.  Unnecessary things, but things that from ATK's tests make a difference in the food quality.  I kept making too much food though in my zeal and we had too many leftovers last week..and now we have no food.  *sigh.*

Joe's grandma is having bowel surgery sometime next week.  So I don't know if I'll be visiting as often.

Next Saturday is my annual birthday party/diaper drive.  I'm so glad Becca and Angela can come.  I haven't done any planning though so I need to get on that.

Legs have been very strong for short periods of time.  I can walk normally most of the time unless I'm walking a lot.  Some leg symptoms still; I've learned that elevating my legs or at least sitting with my legs crossed keeps them from hurting.  Apparently they don't like the blood rushing downward?  Whatever, it works.

Joe and I are going to NY and DC with another couple in June.  We don't have our tickets because Joe is trying to find out if he can get one more day off work.  We'll be visiting Janae in DC and also enjoying NY.  It's Janae's birthday, and the other couple's anniversary, and ours too.  I'm really looking forward to it!

That's all for now; time to leave for church.

spring break is almost over!

I have been enjoying my spring break!  Classes start up again on Monday for my last quarter at OC, but I am not thinking about that right now.  The last two weeks have been full of just relaxing and doing fun things.

Last week turned into a pretty busy week, nonetheless.  I visited Angela and my sister with the kids, then we hurried home to get everything packed for our overnight at my in-laws.  I also went and modeled for an art class sort of last minute for Jeremy's Aunt, so I was rushing to get home and get everything ready.  

Our anniversary was SO much fun!  We got up around 6am, leaving the kids sleeping with Jeremy's parents.  The drive, the weather, and the walk were so beautiful and it was AMAZING to go on a hike without carrying a child half the way (which I did at several long hikes last summer).  

This week has been more relaxed.  Both of the kids have had colds the last few days and have been really tired and cranky from not sleeping well.  I kept Shea home from school yesterday, mostly because he was so emotional about everything, I could barely look at him without him starting to cry!  That kid needed rest and snuggles.  So I let him lay in our bed while he listened to a little house on the prairie book on CD and then after I worked out, we cuddled and listened to it together.  He felt SO much better after that.  I have to remember that this kid thrives and feels loved when he is being held and experiencing something together (can't just read a book or do something NEXT to him, he wants me to be interacting with just him or something together).

My friend Anna came over the other day and took some pictures of me and the kids.  I sewed a few photo props for her and we were hoping to get some other shots with the kids, but this is all they would sit for!  Sometimes "lifestyle" type pictures don't really depict what your everyday family activities look like, but this one is really pretty true to real life.  I have always read to the kids a ton daily and we always have fun doing it.  Plus, I am in an old grubby tank-top with no bra on and shorts, because I was super hot after working out and running around the house cleaning that day.  Pretty real.

I also have been working hard to spring clean/purge the house.  The kids even got rid of like 3 bags of toys and books!  So nice to get some of that clutter out of here.  I also re-arranged our loft.  We had our bed crammed into a corner with our dressers for a while, because Hailey was climbing up on the half-wall and I was scared she was going to fall off the loft.  She doesn't do that anymore, so that means we could finally move the bed back!  The kids also don't keep each other up at night, so I made a little room/nook for them.  It feels much more like a bedroom and I love that we each have more of our own space.

I took these pictures of Hailey the other day.  They aren't the best quality because I had my ISO set too high, but I just love them, because they are SO her.  Crazy, beautiful, messy hair and playing around.

The weather was amazing last week, too!  We have been down at the beach a few times (kids have even worn their swimsuits and splashed in the water).  I love it when it gets sunny too, because all the moms and their kids from the neighborhood come down to the beach, so the kids get to see their friends and I get to talk to the "beach moms" - the ones I only see at community events, but we always hang out and catch up.

And, random hair growing milestone:  When straightened (which I pretty much NEVER do anymore - I don't have time for that nonsense!), my hair can officially fit into a poofy ponytail.