something new

Phew.  We got through a busy week last week with end of year events and lots of fun times with friends.  I did two photo sessions this week which both turned out to be a blast and the pictures turned out beautifully.  I have some more coming up this month and  I am especially excited about one that will be taking place in about a month or two - I am doing the pictures of the new birth center coming to Poulsbo of their facility for their website!  I am slowly building up connections with people in the area and becoming known as a birth photographer, and this will be another great and natural connection.

Amber! I am so happy you got to go on that trip to DC, I truly smiled so big as I looked at the pictures of you during the cake fight! ha!

We have something kind of life changing and interesting that came up recently though.  We haven't told many people at all - only family, basically, and not everyone. I am sure you remember when we we applied for the church plant position for Federal Way area with Church of God about a year and a half ago.  Well, when we weren't chosen for that position, Lloyd (the director for the PNW), told us that he wanted us to consider applying for the next church plant opportunity that would be coming up in 6 months or so.  It came up (about a year later) last November.  At that point, both Jeremy and I decided that we were not going to apply.  It was for Coeur D'alene, Idaho and we didn't feel strongly enough about moving there to uproot our family.  I told Jeremy that the only way we would consider applying was if Lloyd emailed us directly asking us to.

He never did.  Jeremy has continued to get a LOT of raises this year at work and has been offered basically partnership in the business he works for.  I have been slowly building up my clientele, meeting tons of people in our community lately, and have been enjoying our life here SO MUCH, I can't even tell you how much it breaks my heart to think about leaving.

April 15th we received an email from Lloyd about the church plant.  Apparently they have a lot more resources for this one and were looking to hire two people for it.  They picked the lead back in January, but they didn't want to go forward with any of the other candidates until he saw what we were up to.

Since he emailed us, we figured we better go ahead and apply and see what happens.

We didn't hear back again until this week.  Partly because we told him we couldn't travel to Idaho until after May, since I was on call for a birth and couldn't travel.

It is funny though, because one reason we didn't want to apply back in November is that we just weren't emotionally ready to go through another long waiting process.  Last time we felt like we couldn't live in the present and felt disconnected from everything around us, sort of numb.  Jeremy's mom said something that really helped me this time though, that we needed to live fully where we were, even if we end up being called somewhere else.  I have been able to just keep investing in relationships and plan like we will be here for now.  We have had a lot of time to process moving or staying and what each would look like and what would be a big enough motivator to make us move.

For so long, we have tried to go somewhere else...this is the one time that we feel so rooted and at home that it makes it a very difficult decision.  But, I had said just about a week before we received the email that I felt like something was about to change in our lives.

So, long story short, we haven't made any decision yet.  Our family is going to Idaho the second weekend of July to stay with the family they already hired and basically see how we feel about them and learn more about the specific vision for this community and church. I know I have moved a lot of times, but as a family, we have never moved so far away from our support network of family and friends.

It feels REALLY CRAZY.  I am excited about the possibilities and the training and experience we will receive. I think it will be really good for both of us (especially Jeremy) to get away from his parents and their church.  But I have also spent a good deal of time grieving the possibility of leaving this place.  There is a pang in my heart when I think about it.  I love our beach and community.  I love the life my children have here.  I am so looking forward to the school Shea would be entering in the fall and the support it will have.  There are people who have asked me to photograph their births and I SO want to be there for that, but I have had to put their requests on hold for now.

It might not happen.  We have tried to fight it and say we would say "no" no matter what, but it feels imminent.  So dear friends, please pray that we know what in the world to choose.  I know just because we are blessed here does not mean we won't be even more blessed there.  The call is strong and there is something about being sought out like this to be a part of something that could impact so many lives.  But we also know that just because we may be "picked" by the district for this position does not mean it is our calling.

just some things

Hello! I am tired right now, but the kids are playing nicely and I had some pictures from my camera to upload to the computer, so I thought I would do a little post while they load.

I cannot tell you how happy I am that school is over!  Life has been busy the last couple of weeks - good, happy, socializing with people busy though!  I love it.  I go through spurts where I feel like I am so disconnected from everyone and then I suddenly do tons of things with people like almost every day and I feel SO energized and I remember how much I need to get out.  This weekend we hosted a bonfire, hung out at the beach on Sunday, Monday night I had a ladies night for Beauty Society, Wednesday I had a new friend and her daughter over for a playdate (her and Hailey play so well together, it is adorable), and today we went to another playdate, hung out at the beach with friends and watched Shea's preschool "rodeo" he has been practicing for all week.

Ah.  Plus, I have finally had the energy to get out in the garden (a little bit - everything is growing so well this year, I LOVE it) keep the house clean, and make something other than tacos for dinner. T-ball will be over in two weeks and we just bought a tent and are taking the kids camping at La Push in a couple of weeks, which will be our first real "rustic" camping trip with them.

I had a kidney infection almost a month ago that knocked me out for over a week.  I received really bad care at the urgent care clinic on Bainbridge Island and ended up in the ER after a weekend of super high fevers that would not go down.  Worse feeling in the world is being a sick mommy and not being able to take care of your kids.  I felt like a brand new person after getting an IV and getting my meds straightened out though.

I don't know what else to share!  I have a bunch of fun little photoshoots coming up that I am doing for some friends for free, just to practice and build up my portfolio some more. I have been running for the past month.  Yesterday I ran 6 miles!  I am totally amazed I can run that far, and even more amazed that I LOVE IT.  I have never really gotten into running in the past, and now I am addicted. Jeremy and I have a deal that if he gets to go disc golfing, once the kids are in bed, I go for a 30-60 minute run.  I think I like it because no little children can interrupt me.  I can just GO.  I am thinking about training for a race, but I don't really need the motivation anymore.  My next goal is 7 miles, and then I want to be able to run to the end of Indianola road and back, which might be around 10 miles round trip, not sure.

The kids have been fighting almost constantly lately and I am feeling the need to figure out what to do in this new stage with changing dynamics between them. 

I made a "cliff" today to hang up in the kitchen and Shea made pictures of each of us (as toy story characters, OF COURSE) and now if he disobeys or acts unkindly, etc. his person gets moved to the edge of the cliff.  Same for Hailey, me, and Jeremy. We talked about how when he is still at the top of the cliff, it is easier for mommy to help him so he can come back away from the edge.  Then there is a branch on the side of the cliff, so if he continues to disobey, he falls and is holding on to it.  This is if he throws an insane screaming tantrum which has been happening a LOT lately.  The idea is that he can always come back, but he may need more help from me the further he falls and it will take more work to get back to the top where it is safe (which is a good reminder for ME to stop and help him, too).  I guess it is kind of like the "doghouse" thing some parents do, but I feel like this shows that it is his actions that causes him to "fall", rather than just being put in a cage for disobeying, if that makes sense. Anyway, I don't know how it will work, but so far it seems to be a good visual, because he can kind of see where he is standing and improve his behavior,and he takes ownership for it since he helped make it.  He basically loses privileges along with how far he is on the cliff and there is possibility for an award if he stays at the very top away from the edge. Ha, that was a long explanation. These are the things I lay awake at night thinking about. 

I wish I could share pictures with you, but we have decided to go a bit media free over the summer.  We packed up the Wii and put away the DVD player, and since I am done with school we even put our internet connection on hold for the summer.  I can make my phone a wifi hotspot when I need to do something quick on the computer, but we don't have a ton of data on our plan at a high speed so I can't upload pictures unless I take the laptop up to the church.

I guess that is it. I made pudding and we are having homemade pizza for dinner.  I also just picked an insane amount of kale from our garden (we have almost 20 plants!) which I am going to turn into kale chips.  Tonight I am going to a DoTerra essentials oils party a mom from Shea's preschool is throwing.  I don't know much about essential oils, but have wanted to learn about it for a while, so I'm looking forward to it (plus, getting out of the house without KIDS makes it even better).  I hope you are all enjoying your spring so far.  Candice, I am amazed every time I see you post a picture of Callum on Facebook - he just looks so different and so much older now!  

A Friend Goes Home

Today was weird.

I went to the orthopedist about my finger because it was swollen and I was concerned, but he was like "It looks great!  You can take off the splint now!"  Of course the problem before had been that I couldn't straighten it, but now because of the splint I was wearing, I can't bend it!  I walked to the PT center I'm so familiar with and made an appointment for hand therapy.  I was annoyed because I had to put in all my information again, as if I hadn't already been a patient there.  It took so long.

Then I was going to visit Nana who is in the hospital again and had surgery yesterday.  Then I was going to see if Heather's mom wanted a visit (I'd heard she was in the hospital with pneumonia.)  On my way to see Nana, I ran into some friends.  I was like "Hey!  Are you here to visit Sue?"  And they said, "Amber, Sue died this morning."

Shock is really the only thing I felt.  She's had all kinds of cancer and multiple autoimmune diseases, yet she's always pulled through.  And she was always over at Heather's house helping out even when I knew she felt terrible.  So when I heard she was in the hospital with pneumonia it just seemed like all the other times when she's gotten so sick she's almost died.  She was sixty years old. 

So I ran to where the family was.  I know I didn't have to run but I couldn't handle my own shock.  I sat with Heather, read to Zari, just really sat because other people were taking care of things like food and planning a meal for the family that evening and there wasn't anything I could do.  They were willing to let me see Sue's body and say goodbye.  I had many intimate conversations with Sue over the last few years.

Kathy was expecting me to meet them to see Nana because I'd already asked if I could come visit after my appointment.  Heather told me it was okay for me to tell Kathy so I went upstairs and told her.  We went down together, not much to do...stand around talking with other people who are close to the family, not knowing how to help...occasionally bursting into tears ourselves.  The family left and we went back upstairs.  I spent a few moments with Nana and then Mom and I decided to go out to lunch.

And then...the rest of the day happened, I guess.  I took a long, hard nap.  Now I'm making soup and watching Survivor and posting at the same time...I have dealt with so little death in my life.  And now I'm at a loss for comforting...all I can do is sit and cry and sometimes grieving people need that company and sometimes they just need people to stop asking "how can I help" and just have some alone time.

Anyway.  I'm a little muddled in the head right now.  I'm fine, just muddled!