blessed.

Today has been a blessed day.  Last night, I was so tired.  I was ready for bed by 8pm.  But we stayed up a little bit.  Drank some tea.  Played some Munchkin.  Then got in bed, I think before 10.  And I rested and got some good sleep.  Sure, I had to wake up a few times because of Hailey and the morning still came too soon, but I felt much more refreshed than I had been for a few days.  

I decided to write the girl who we gave Kaia to.  I just said that I was glad she had a good home, that things were working out, and if she had any questions about her history at all, she was welcome to ask me.  She responded by saying they had no problems and all love Kaia, "thanks for the wonderful gift".  So.  I guess at least I feel some closure.  And I tired my best to extend kindness, even when I wanted to justify myself.  I am thankful that I didn't waste energy by being unkind or saying things passive-aggressively about what I read on her Facebook, as I might have done in the past.  I am grateful for my husband's wisdom when it comes to me responding in emotion.  Part of me really wanted to write her and justify the care we gave Kaia, but that really would not have accomplished anything, other than possibly being a terrible example of Christ's love.    They will be good owners.  I just wish I had been a little more proactive in helping them understand where she came from and the importance of that connection, whether or not they would've still chosen to see it the way they do.  I'm fairly certain this woman has no idea I saw any of what she said on Facebook.  Jeremy just kept reminding me to bless those who curse you and pray for those who persecute you.

Anyway.  On another note.  I have received so many blessings today, it is unbelievable.  I have felt very inspired by the "buy nothing" group, that I have been trying to focus more on giving things that I like, but definitely don't need, in order to bless others.  Not just throw away stuff I have no desire to own anymore, but the things that I still feel tied to.  It has been a hard discipline with some things, but I don't regret giving away a single thing. I posted several things, met some wonderfully nice people, and am beyond joyful to see how it impacts others when you share and give.  One mommy friend in the area messaged me the other day that she wanted to bless me with her daughter's clothes for Hailey.  Oh my goodness.  She gave me a huge bin with absolutely everything Hailey needs for fall and winter!  I cannot believe it.  And they are amazingly cute clothes which I would never be able to afford or probably even find at a thrift store or consignment store I would visit.  I will not have to buy Hailey a single pair of clothes this year.  God always provides what we need.  

Not to mention, our life is so blessed in so many other ways.  I have so much leisure time now that I only will be planning preschool once a week and don't have any other extra commitments right now, I have been able to slow down our day considerably and just enjoy my children.  Spending time has made many of the issues I was having diminish completely or become much easier to handle, considering that usually the reason I get impatient is that I simply feel the need to rush.  Even after two years in a very slow paced community, I am still learning to slow down.

Anyway.  I had my phone uploading these pictures most of the day, because our internet is so slow.   I have so many pictures to share.  Some of these are in a weird order, but there is no way I'm going to try and rearrange them, ha ha.  I don't know if my pictures will ever be as well organized as Angela's!  I'll put them after a "jump" so you don't have to load all of them and they won't take up the entire page of posts if you don't want to look at them!

Every moment is special.

Ladies, I can't explain how blessed I have felt lately.  I am able to cherish and enjoy all the little moments with my husband.  I love our unplanned dates.  Yesterday I woke up and spent the morning with my Mom and Paul as we waited for my brother to fly in from Tennessee where he was for the last 10 weeks doing an internship.  We picked him up around 1pm, then came home and hung out for an hour or so before mom and bro had to be on their way, since they had company coming to Moses Lake that evening. 

                                               

After they left Paul and I went to Burger King to get their awesome 50 cent cones!  Then we went to the Asian grocery store and bought a ton of fresh fruit.  Then we went down to Redondo and sat on the dock for 2 hours watching people fish and enjoying each others company.  This day could go down in the record books as one of my favorites.  Time with family and hubby.  Time before my child arrives, this child that I have dreamed about for more years than I can count, this child I created with my husband, this child that will change our lives forever, for the better.  I want to enjoy every day, every little date, every moment.  

                                      

Eleanor knows something is different.  When cuddling she is always on or near my belly. Baby likes to kick her. :) 

Becca, your clothes are a lifesaver!  I don't fit into any of my own clothes.  The only maternity clothes I have bought is two pairs of scrub pants and 2 t shirts from target (Candice and Amber target has the most amazing 10$ maternity shirts fyi for the future!).  This black shirt completely hides my belly from the front, black is amazing. 

 This morning at 9:30 am was our ultrasound.  Best 40 minutes ever.  Watching baby's beating heart, pointing finger, fist sucking, amazing.  I loved every minute.

After the ultrasound we went to Sunbreak cafe and split the biggest breakfast I have ever seen.  Paul never has leftovers, and we even had leftovers from the meal we shared!  Then we made a quick stop at Safeway and bought some green grapes because they were on sale. Amazingly we got out of there only spending 2.38 on grapes and nothing else!  With the possibility of a big move looming we are trying to use a ton of our food from the freezer and pantry.  I have really only been buying fresh fruits and veggies for the last month or two.

After Safeway we headed to Steve and Kathy's to show them pictures of their new grandbaby, they loved our visit to say the least. :)  Then we got to meet their new bunny thumper. Thumper got poop on my shirt, crazy bunny, but was oh so soft and fun to hold for the 2 minutes I had her.

This evening we went to Coldstone with some giftcards we had. It's funny how much more fun something can be when it is "free".   Makes the date even better!

So that's all for now.  Living, loving, and enjoying life. Remembering that every moment is a special one. 

What is a gift?

This past week our family gave away something very dear to our hearts.  Our dear puppy, Kaia.  We gave her away intending to bless another family (with a sweet dog they have been looking for to take care of and love as part of their family), our family (with more time to focus on our high-energy children), and Kaia herself (she would receive better attention than we could provide, and in our minds, be much better off and happier).   But, how do you respond when a gift is not received the way you envisioned?   When gratitude is not displayed?  When you become the “enemy”?  The very nature of a gift is that it is given fully with no strings attached; you can’t pull it back when treated in a way you don’t like.  Although mutual appreciation and displayed gratitude is hoped for, you cannot demand it.  Once you demand certain behavior regarding a gift,  it is no longer a gift but becomes a burden instead.

I offered Kaia on a facebook group I am a part of titled, “Buy Nothing”.  The goal is not to just dump and exchange stuff, but to create a culture of giving to enhance community and enrich people’s lives and relationships.  This is the reason I put her on there instead of Craigslist.  I didn’t care about a “rehoming” fee or anything.  We were just overwhelmed, because we felt like we couldn’t take good enough care of Kaia.  I loved her being outside and exploring our 4 acres, but she was running off so much (never far, and always came back), it just took energy to keep an eye on her that I felt like I didn’t have.  And I hated cooping her up in the house or tying her on the dog run.  She actually was not the problem – she was an incredibly good and easy puppy.  We never had potty issues, I never really had to train her to not go in the house.  She was very obedient.  She was great with the kids.  No, the children were the hard part.  We had to come to terms with the fact that Shea is a high energy child (no duh) who needs a lot of attention, and as much as I loved our dog and as good as she was for our family, I have to put my family’s needs ahead of a dog.  And that made me feel like I needed to give her to a family who was in a place to give her more attention.

So, this woman posted wanting her.  They had been looking for a puppy to run around with their dog.  From what she said, it sounded like it was a trained dog from an academy for their disabled child.  So I figured they had lots of energy to train a puppy.  Also, their children are fairly mellow and they take their dogs everywhere with them, etc.  They are dog people.  She thought Kaia was beautiful.  She wanted to take it “slow”, meaning the two dogs meet.  Then her daughers meet her.  Then a weekend trial.  I answered a lot of questions.  We even had a dog rescuer helping guide our conversation to help us make a good decision.  I told her everything about Kaia I could think of and we had a lot of discussion about putting a dog up for adoption on the group and how she fit within the idea of a “gift”.

Well.  Her husband came with their dog from Bremerton (about a 45 minute drive) to meet Kaia.  I actually thought they weren’t taking her home that day, but I was ok with it for the trial sense he drove all the way out here.  The dogs got along fine and had fun, and I was convinced it would be good because she would be running around.  Although, their dog was just a puppy also, and even though she stated him as being whatever academy “trained”, he still had not graduated from the program.  Honestly, Kaia was a much better behaved dog than him.  Also, I learned that they have a small yard which is fenced, so at least I figure she can be outside playing more than here, because I can’t keep an eye on her…but still, she does pretty well roaming around in our woods and playing during the day normally.  So he takes her.  And I think, they will probably love her because she is a perfect little dog and we will never see her again, and I feel a little violated thinking that it would go slower than this, as they were “so concerned” with having a slow process to be sure of a good fit.  I don’t hear anything back after the first night, so I go ahead and message the lady.  She says “everything is great, she is a perfect fit.”  That’s it.  No thank you.  No anything.  No dog coming back.  No taking it slow.  And I think, “well, that’s a little bit of a shock, but its good…I’m sure she has found a good home.”

I am struggling right now.  Struggling to process some strong emotions.  Perhaps because I was in the middle of a process of grieving.  I thought I was doing pretty well.  I almost cried a little when I gave Kaia her final hug goodbye.  I almost cried when I woke up the next morning and there was no happy Kaia bounding to greet me.  I had a spike of sadness when I would walk outside and not hear her collar ringing, coming to see what I was up to and follow me around the yard.  I miss her.  But, at least I was fairly certain she would be better off.

Then I checked the woman’s facebook page.  Part of me wish I hadn’t.  I just wanted to see if she had posted anything about how things were going, since she wasn’t telling me anything.  Part of the Buy Nothing group’s goal is to make connections with people, so I was hoping to be able to still be connected with the family in some way, at least see pictures and stuff from time to time.

No.  I learned that they pretty much saw themselves as rescuing Kaia from us.  And my heart broke a little.  And I felt angry.  This is why I had to ask her how things were going.  To them, it was not an option to return Kaia to us, because we are dog abusers.  I knew part of the anger coming from me was me wanting to selfishly justify myself.  Part of it was self-condemnation as I wondered if we really were that bad of dog owners.  Part of it was wondering how I could possibly give her away to these people.

But a gift is a gift, and I have no control over whether they accept it with joy and gratitude or not.

The first status I saw the night they had her said this: “If you are unable to care for a soul and meet its needs properly then don't have it. So frustrated that there are people out there who hurt beautiful souls and dump them off on people when they can't handle it. I can say, however, thank you for realizing you are unable and giving these babes to someone who can. Trying not to be angry right now.

”

I am almost certain this must be about Kaia.  And I don’t think we DUMPED her.  She was given as a gift.  She asked for the gift.  I never forced them to take Kaia.  I never said we were going to get rid of her if not one took her.  We offered to see if there was a need Kaia could fill while having her needs met more fully.  I don’t think that can be called dumping her.

These were  from the following day:

The dogs are playing pee pee games, Kaia's tummy has adjusted pretty well, but she was obviously never "housebroken, and Weston is not yet neutered so he is marking where she pees. On top of all this I reinjured my foot. Hurting pretty bad now. But.., The house is spotless!

"Well we made it through the first night with Kaia. Not one issue! She is such a cute snuggle bug. We housed her in the downstairs bathroom with her comfy bed and she didn't make one peep all night (12-8.)  she had accidents overnight (bc of eating real food) but nothing a little bleach couldn't fix. After the tummy troubles subside she will share an xl kennel with Westie. They love each other.

With this comment:  Yep, the girls only get kenneled with the dog when they act up . she is a lab mix that we saved yesterday. 30lbs 7-10 mo old puppy who should weight about 50 lbs. was only ever fed lentils and rice and you can see every bone in her body. It was take her or call animal control. But she is super sweet, just needs to gain weight. Im constantly rescuing babes, furry and not so furry"

I guess homecooked organic meals with the appropriate portions (from what I understood) and added supplement is not real food?  I guess that kibble made from uncertain meats and sprayed with articial flavor made in a lab is considered “real”?  And because that causes her to vomit, it must mean that it is just her body that is bad and not the food?  Because Kaia is on the skinnier side (but otherwise looks healthy and doesn’t act like she has no energy at all) that means she has been mal-nourished and mistreated?  I’m sorry.  We did look at Kaia and wonder if she was too skinny.  I would flood her food bowl with half n half and give her lots of other food throughout the day.  I added as much protein to her food as I could with supplements and its not like I fed her vegetarian foods without researching it.  I know not everyone agrees with the whole vegetarian dog thing, but there are plenty of dogs who thrive on such a diet when given it properly.  And it could be I hadn't quite figured it out properly, I'm not above admitting that.  She was on kibble for a quite some time before I gradually switched her over and only because I came to believe it was beneficial for her health.  But now I wonder.  Maybe I was a bad owner.  No one else ever said anything to us before.  I took her in to the clinic several times, and no one said anything was odd about her size or look.  And she is only barely 7 months old.

 I guess that because she was never “house broken” we are terrible owners?  She never asked about that, and honestly, we never have had a problem.  We had ONE accident in the house.  That was it.  She obeyed when I let her out to go potty in the yard.  She always held it in our house.  She slept in our main living area (not closed up in a laundry room and then they are moving her into a kennel with the other dog) and I never worried about her chewing things or doing anythign she wasn’t supposed to,because she obediently stayed in her bed until I walked downstairs – she wouldn’t even get up if Shea came down first, she always waited for me.  I wanted her to be outside as much as possible in the summer, because she is a dog and I think it is healthy for her to be outside.  She can’t do much inside but sit around anyway.  Outside she hunted for bugs and snakes and ate berries.  She wandered through the woods and played with sticks.  She was a dream dog.  And we thought, “wow…this would be such a blessing to someone else to have this amazing puppy.”  And now I wonder if what I thought would be better off for her, is not really better off.  I think not having her is better off for us, because I can base my day around my children instead of the dog, but I honestly wish I had found someone closer who understood Indianola dogs (they have a certain lifestyle, I find that is different than other areas).  It is a good lesson to learn.  Peole are not always who they display themselves as online.  And, giving a true gift from the heart is not an easy thing to do.

Ok.  Sorry ladies.  I needed to process this.  What do you think?  Am I wrong?  I know I need to let this go. SO. Badly.  Writing is good for the soul at times.  Thanks for the outlet where I know I won’t be judged.  At least I know they are going to take care of her.  I just wish people wouldn’t be so quick to judge and criticize – this goes for me too.  I can understand their perspective, but the ingratitude and non-concern for us as people hurts, even though I don’t  know her and she probably doesn’t think I saw any of those posts.  It is a good reminder to me for when I don’t understand other people’s perspectives.  But both Jeremy and I have very heavy hearts today.  I was praying all night long trying to just let it go and move on.

a comment for Angela

So my internet is very slow...and it won't let me comment on your post, Angela!  But apparently, I can post, so I will just comment like this, ha ha.

I recognize a lot of clothes in your pics!  I'm glad they are working for you :)  That makes me so happy that they are being put to use, you have no idea!  Aren't those shorts the best?

Love hearing about your little vacations - so good that you are getting away together as a couple before baby comes!  Things change so much once you have kids...I always wonder now what in the world I did before I had kids.  Hopefully I was enjoying time with my spouse as much as you seem to be :)

And this is just my random two cents after reading about you working out (way to go - it can be hard to stay motivated to do normally, let alone while pregnant!)  I think having a strong core is a major contributing factor to having an easier labor.  This is not really meant to be a "I am so great" brag, but I have had a super strong core since i really started working out like 5 years ago - my midwives were always amazed how easily I could sit up from laying on my back when I was far along in my pregnancy, and my labors both went so smoothly, although Shea's was much easier than Hailey's.  I think that is because I did toning/core muscle building exercises regularly during my first pregnancy, but not as much with my second.  So even though it feels like you couldn't possibly have abs with that belly, keep it strong, girl!!  Squats are excellent too.  Just sayin'.

Good to hear from you :)

Photo dump.

Life seems like it is never ending busy but slow and memorable all at the same time.  I don't know how to explain it.  I feel like this last month has flown by me, which I love and hate all at the same time.  I love that every day that passes means baby Fern is one day closer to being here, but I hate that this means summer is passing me by and the cold months and high power bills are coming all too soon. 

So with that, I leave you some pictures. 

Paul and I went to Ruston on my birthday and then did 5 mile drive.  It was just the two (well 3) of us, we sat, we talked, we drove, we watched the sunset and it was absolutely perfect.  Paul and I both celebrated our last birthdays as just a couple this year. Kinda cool to think about. 

We went on a 6 day road trip to Bend, OR to visit my Aunt and explore the awesomeness of Bend.  Paul drove me to work on Monday and then picked me up and we got straight on the road, since it is nearly a 6 hours drive, and even more with my tiny pregnant bladder having to stop at 4 restrooms along the way.  We found a delicious little hole in the wall Mexican diner for dinner and it was amazing, fresh cooked and so so yummy.  Yelp is our best friend when it comes to little places! 

The first day we visited Lava Butte.  I guess I just need to go on vacation to get pictures with my hubby because I got more in those 6 days than I got all year! Lucky me. :)

We went to a cute little coffee shop and I ordered a Caramel Latte, the Barista is not the one who took my order and somehow misunderstood and made me a Cardamom latte and it was so good.  Something I would have never ever ordered but I enjoyed to the last drop.  There was also a dog at the coffee shop.  Apparently the owner eats and drinks there daily and puppy just lays outside and waits. :)

My Aunt has the most amazing group of friends.  Many she has known for 20+ years, some since gradeschool.  They all love to hike and do outdoors activities.  We floated the river twice, and each time one of my Aunts friends was able to come along, it was so so fun! We just had little blow up rafts, and one little oar, but the river is shallow and there were tons of people playing in and floating in it both days.  It was close to 90 degrees every day we were there! 

Paul and I went to Safeway to get dinner ingredients one night and found this fun little machine that tells you different measures of your health.  BMI, eye test, blood pressure and more.  It is so crazy to me how low my blood pressure has gotten with this pregnancy compared to my regular.  I kinda wondered if the student midwife was just not hearing it right, but nope, the machine got the same thing!

The belly is bumping along.  It actually looks smaller now than at 20 weeks, I think baby moved higher so the bump is less pronounced and more stretched out.  I am so glad I have been taking weekly pictures because there is no way I would notice all these slight changes.  

Speaking of baby, this one is a swimmer and a mover.  Bumping and punching my belly like you wouldn't believe and I love every second of it! 

We "hiked" to Lucky Lake.  It was one mile in and one back, but all uphill on the way there.  I was much more tired than I should have been on the hike up, but it was so beautiful and great to get a little exercise! 

 My MIL made me this awesome strawberry cream tart for my birthday desert and my kitties cuddled dearly.  The next two pictures are on our way to bed, the first being at a rest stop (classy I know) and the second being what I believe to be Mt. Hood while we were driving!

Lava Butte again! 

One of our awesome dinners. My aunt is amazing at cooking chicken on the BBQ.  I think we BBQ'd for 5 nights straight. And that lake is a 5 minute walk from her house and we walked down there most nights. :)

Lots of belly bump pics.  It was the first time I looked truly pregnant while not actually showing my bare skin belly so we had to have a little fun! 

We went to Munch and Music in the park. Also a 5 minute walk from my Aunts house and there were hundreds upon hundreds of people there, it was almost like a mini fair.  Lots of food stands, we got some amazing ice cream, and lots of music and  blow up bounce houses.  Makes me want to live in a smaller town again.  Now Bend isn't that small, but I feel like over here in Western, WA all our towns run together and it is hard to build a community. 

Little baby Fern and more hiking! 

Hiking....

Paul didn't shave for 9 days or something like that, it was crazy.  I am not a fan of the facial hair, much too pokey and scratchy for his or my liking, but he had fun growing it out while it lasted! And baby was really bumping on our last night there :)

I just swam a mile for the third day in a row, which is more than I have done in the last month or more.  It feels so good to be getting back in shape even if my abs don't feel like they work any more.  I can't sit up without pushing with my arms or having Paul help me, split abs are the weirdest thing! 

The end. 

I am sitting in the living room with Jeremy.   I'm paying bills while he is reading books for his class.  Our evenings usually end up like this.  The kids go to bed between 7 and 8.  We clean and water the garden, then drink some tea while reading together, talking, or playing a board game.  Then off to bed.  I still feel like I am on an extended vacation.  Yes, sure, there are still children to take care of (and enjoy) and chores and things to do...but I haven't really had very many commitments in the past few months and it has been amazing.  Every day is pretty much the same, with the slight variations of where we go and what we do.  I don't think I've ever lived a time in my life with so few commitments and worries.  Growing up, it was always DO DO DO I didn't even know how to just relax and spend time to just be until fairly recently.  It is healing and liberating and awesome.

Anyway.

I will probably be heading off to bed soon, but I thought I would update on a few things going on.

One thing is that some time in the next month, Jeremy and I will be going in for a second interview for a position we applied for in July.  We had a "pre-interview" with the guy in charge of it, and actually, we left feeling like we did quite poorly.  We were pretty sure we would not hear back.  So, after we had completely discarded any hope or ideas of anything going forward with this, we received an email asking us to come for a second interview.

It is a position for a lead for a church plant (or missional community as they are calling it), in the south seattle area.  We weren't totally sure why we applied for it at first.  We just felt like we really were supposed to, for whatever reason.  After the first interview, we left feeling like it was a really good process and clarified a lot of things for us about what we believed our ministry focus should be.  And we thought that would be that.  It is a unique opportunity in that they have quite a bit of finances available for the plant, and are going to provide training, support, and at least half of the person's salary for three years.  Also, the church model is very different from the traditional model seen and it matches very closely to what we have been thinking about trying to start over here.  It was very encouraging to meet with the guy in charge and hear how the denomination (the same one we were a part of in Port Orchard) is shifting in ways to reach the people they can't possibly reach the way church has been done for so many years.

Anyway, we have no idea why they called us back or what they might see in us that they want to pursue the possibility further.  We feel good about it because we don't really feel like we need to prove anything about ourselves, but you can pray for wisdom and discernment about whether this is the right direction for us.  Honestly, the hard part would be if they DID offer us the position.  We are so happy here.  In some ways, I feel like Indianola can't be our home forever because of our calling and because of the unique situation here with Jeremy's family...but I love it here, and being here has helped and healed me on so many levels...but like I said, I feel like I'm on vacation and I guess vacations don't last forever?  we will see.

Preschool is also starting in two weeks!  BUT I am very excited about the direction it is taking.  I am not going to be paid again, but that is because I am forming (with two other moms) a preschool co-op/mom's group.  Mainly designed for mom's like me who have a preschool age and a younger child, and we want to do more enrichment type stuff with our older child but have a younger child who needs our attention so much too.  So, basically I am still teaching the older kids, but the moms will stay and have a younger child area and help watch Hailey for me.  This way, not only can things be a little more laid back, but I don't have to worry about childcare for Hailey and I get to build better relationships with the moms too!  One thing I am super excited about is helping and equipping them with tools to teach at home during the week, because I know how it gets hard when you don't have a plan or time to prepare anything. It will only be once a week, so that also cuts my planning time down.  I am hoping to still do school with Shea at home at least two other days during the week, so that planning will take a little more time, but I am really excited to start doing that!  I am going to try putting together a preschool art appreciation curriculum this year with him where we go through different famous paintings, learn about it, and copy some sort of aspect about it in our own art. I'm sure something like this exists already, but why buy it when I can do it myself?

OK.  Enough of this random post.  I had some pictures to upload, because we took a random day trip to Port Townsend the other day, but my computer is too slow to put them up right now.  Maybe next time!  I had some super cute ones of Hailey.  She is doing the funniest things lately.

 Hope everyone is doing well - I miss reading about what everyone is up to, but I know how it gets!!  I can't even believe that summer is almost over.  And that I am going to be 26 next month.  I feel like I am getting super old but I still think I'm like 18.  Jeremy is now starting to remind me that I am going to be closer to 30 than 20 now.

Yeah.

Thanks for that.

the kids are sleeping...

The best thing about day camp at church is that BOTH of my kids fall asleep when we get home.  Shea normally doesn't take a nap, but I trick him into it every once in a while.  I will lay out two large cushions in the office and turn on "his" pandora station on my phone and he lays and listens to it for 30 - 45 minutes.  Either he will fall asleep and it will turn into a nap for another hour or two, or he gets up after that amount of time and starts playing.  Either way, I win a little bit of time to myself.

Today though, I told him if he took a nap he could paint his new little wooden "Idaho Jones" car he won at day camp for saying his verse, seemed to do the trick!

SO very much has been going on in life.  I don't know how to possibly fit it all in, so I'm not going to try.  Lately, God has been showing and teaching me so much.  Things that I have longed to give up to him, to change, to become...and slowly, I am finally seeing changes.  I fail time and time again, but I am focusing more on the little victories lately.  I have been thinking a lot about gift giving.  Not as in wrapping pretty packages for others, but about God's generosity toward His children and the joy He must feel when we reflect that quality of Him through our actions.  I am starting to look at the things that I do and say as a gift to be given.  The way I discipline my child is a GIFT to them, and I should give it as such.  That is the main thing I have been thinking about...and it has really helped shift the outcome of conflict in the house.  We still have a long way to go, but I am thankful for the little things.

I recently put up some new prints in the house, and one of them is a print of the quote "In order to become who you want to be, you must consistently be the what you want to become every day."  Yes, obvious, but something about this line has really stuck with me and helped me make choices.  One example is getting in shape.  I WANT to be fit and healthy, so that means I need to work out today (have to take it one day at a time).

What else? So much.  I am about to go completely gluten and dairy free for a two week period of time, at least.  I have basically been dairy free now, because there aren't many products I can buy in good conscience anymore, and I have always been suspicious of having a dairy intolerance.  We haven't had milk or yogurt in the house for at least 3 weeks, and I rarely buy cheese now.  I have cut out about 50% of my gluten intake for the same reason.  But, after I have read so much about leaky gut and inflammation from both of these foods, and with all the acne trouble I have had, I am wanting to heal my body for a bit.  My skin and energy levels have improved so much since we changed our diet, and I think it would get even better if I allowed my gut to heal before introducing these foods slowly, if at all.  Its so crazy.  I used to be SO skeptical when people talked about all these sensitivities and stuff, but I have been reading so many books and blogs and there is so much more to nutrition and healthy eating than I ever imagined, and I can't believe how many lies I have grown up believing!  It is such a huge, life-long process though to make changes, but every change counts, I am finding.

Anyway, enough of that.  This is such a random post.  Here are a some pictures from the last few days around our house.  Hailey's new thing is saying "hat" and trying to put whatever she has on her head.  She also says "shoe" and "glasses" now and is so busy outside!  We have been out enjoying the sun a lot (mainly disc golfing) and I have been spending a lot of time just playing and reading with the kids (I am reading Shea the Mouse and the Motorcycle right now, he loves it!).  There are other things developing within my moms group and with the preschool I will share with you ladies soon.

Shea was making his own snack.

We made homemade playdough the other day.  No food dye - we used turmeric to get this beautiful yellow color!

my bright eyed girl after her nap!

this picture is just to show you how long my hair was (and this in a ponytail so it doesn't even look as long as it was) before I did something drastic yesterday...

just my cutie kids playing around!

YES I chopped my hair off.  Quite literally.  I was home and I was washing my hair and I was so tired of how much of my precious organic non-grease-stripping shampoo I was using on my hair that i thought I should cut it off.  Then I stood in front of the mirror pondering for a while if I really wanted to or not.  I was torn.  It was not in my hair plan.  I was going to grow my hair for one more year before I cut it.  But.  I get impulsive.  I texted Jeremy and told him.  He replied with "i'm coming home".  so I waited.  Then neither of us could decide, but he kind of wanted me to do it and I really did want to do it, so I started cutting. And I really like it.  These are not the best pictures of it really, because this is after sleeping on it and not really doing much to it ha ha but its short and kind of flippy out in the back, and I like it.  I know I am a short hair person as hard as I try to fight it, I just can't.  Oh so easy to take care of to!  Just spritz with some of my homemade "beach spray" and I'm out the door!  Most work is when it dries too "flippy" in the front, but I just straighten the one chunk of hair and its good.  It might actually get shorter too, I'm not exactly sure how short I want it.  and I'm apparently not allowed to go get hair cuts anymore, sine I'm fully capable of chopping my own hair off, thank you.

Hailey and her cousin driving the bus at church

I can't believe what a little girl Hailey is turning into!  She is so busy and so fun and communicates so well.  She knows what she wants and she figures out how to get me to understand.

Beach parks are my favorite

Hey ladies.  Hope you have all been having a wonderful summer.  Paul and I have been trying to get out to the close beaches and parks to enjoy walks in this wonderful weather we have been having!  Paul worked 14 days straight, some of those being 12+ hour days.  He continued to take good care of me, making sure I was eating well during that whole time.  I sure do love that man!  

We had a midwife appointment this morning and everything went really well.  I am measuring at 18+ weeks (I am 19 weeks tomorrow), baby's heartbeat was 138-142, and baby loves to hug my left hip right by the uterine artery.  My belly popped out tuesday morning.  I really didn't look pregnant when I had regular clothes on and then I woke up and there was a belly there!  Becca it is crazy, the farther I get in this pregnancy the more things that just click from what you wrote when you were pregnant with Hailey.  When everyone tells me how tiny my belly is I feel like saying "but I feel huge!"

I read this book called Food Rules, I can't remember if I referenced it before but I loved it.  Lots of simple food rules, ones that make you think before eating store bought junk, and make you think about how the western diet is the worst one around.  I love rule 57, and it has actually kept me from snacking on cookies and chips after dinner.  Oh, I am not hungry enough for fruits and veggies so I probably am just bored and want a snack.  Yup, I am usually just bored. 

My dear friend got married 2.5 weeks ago and her reception was 2 weeks ago.  It was beautiful, lots of family was there.  It's crazy because we have known each other since 6th grade and called each other best friends forever, yet I knew almost no one there.  And there were probably 150 people there. I went with my parents and we stayed 3 hours for all the normal wedding activities and then bounced out when the dancing begun. I am definitely not a dancer. :)

We just celebrated my MIL's birthday and I gave her some watercolor stuff, so I only figured it was suiting to water color her card.  I have missed doing crafts and it was fun to have an excuse to get all my stuff out! 

I went and got a mani/pedi with Sara the day before she climbed a mountain for her wedding.  Let's just say manicures were not meant for nurses.  This is what my nails looked like two days after getting them done...The pedicure on the other hand still looks amazing with no chips and it has been almost 3 weeks now!  

My mom make me a mini latte since I am trying to drink no caffiene during this pregnancy.  It was in a mini shot glass from starbucks, I loved it! 

The morning of the wedding reception I went to the farmers market with my dad in Moses Lake.  We got lots of fresh corn, bean, watermelon, cantelope, blueberries, aaaaand fresh donuts!  It was so fun.  I wish I made the time to go the the farmers market over here but the one in Auburn is on Sundays, and it never works out with my schedule and church. 

Pop absolutely loves Eamon, his only great grandchild currently.  I am so glad they just moved close enough to be able to visit on a regular basis.  

Those blackberries were picked in the schoolyard near our house.  I absolutely love fresh sun warmed blackberries. They actually remind me of the Oregon Coast because growing up that is the only place we ever got to pick blackberries while going on a walk down to the beach.  

Do you see those flower next my my grandpa?!  They make me want a garden with a ton of flowers...one where someone else does all the upkeep though.  Jennifer has been my aunts friend since 2nd grade and her and her husband go visit my grandpa and take him flowers or coffee and so forth. :) 

Paul and I celebrated my birthday a week early by going out to my favorite Pho place and then going to the Asian grocery store afterwards.  Then we headed to Redondo to watch the sunset and drink our awesome Asian drinks. :)  If Paul and I do have to move for his job there are so many things I will miss about western washington, which is funny because I didn't want to move here to begin with.  

My belly bump is always crazy first thing in the morning.  Eric always comes and keeps me company as I lay in bed on my days off.  

Paul drove north of Seattle to get me these awesome Macarons.  I had never had them before and yes, they are as good as people make them out to be.  There is a place in Kent that sells them, but it didn't have near as good of reviews, but now that I have had good ones I want to get some there and compare. 

I made a gender reveal banner with my silhouette for a friends friends party.  I don't think we are going to have a party or do anything special, though we are pretty stoked to have our ultrasound, which is currently scheduled for August 28th. 

Eric decided I needed help as I was quickly trying to fold the laundry that would wrinkle before I rushed out the door for church.  Silly boy.  Then after church I came home and made chocolate chip cookies.  I had never made this recipe before and they were amazing.  They are soft and doughy when fully cooked which is my favorite for chocolate chip.  

Do you see that obnoxious orange shirt?  That is what I have to wear at work for the "go live" of our computer program Epic.  I go around and help nurses who are struggling through the program.  It's fun to not have my own set of patients! 

On Monday I was supposed to work a 16 hour shift.  They sent me home at 3:30 on standby and called me back into work by 7pm and I had to work till 11.  I drove almost 100 miles round trip to and from work on monday and worked 12 hours. I was so tired and grumpy by the end of the day!  

Yesterday I had my yearly retraining for work and the building was so over airconditioned.  I went outside on my lunch break and basked in the sun.  Those awesome jeans are actually jeggins Becca let me borrow, thanks again!  Also at my retraining we had to put out a fake fire with a fake fire extinguisher, it was kinda fun! 

I was tired after work yesterday.  Paul had been off and was sweet to offer to drive me to and from work because I only got 6 hours of sleep thanks to not getting home till after midnight since I got called back into work.  I drove myself but told him I would really appreciate it if he made dinner.  When I got home we laid on the couch and watched Seinfeld and he could tell I was super sleepy.  I didn't want to nap but it was inevitable.  He told me to take a 15 minute power nap.  So I did, and when I woke up he had chicken burgers ready for dinner for us.  What a good man. Then he drove us to Redondo where we took a nice walk along the water and then sat and watched people fish, one lady caught her first pink salmon and she was so excited.  I had Paul take a quick silhouette of me, and by quick I mean I stood there for 5 seconds while he snapped 5 pictures hoping one was good because there were so many people around I didn't want to be the crazy pregnant lady standing in front of the water. 

And that's all for now.  I am off today and tomorrow and then I have to work 4 days.  Friday is my birthday, and I will be 25, quarter of a century, seems so weird!  Hopefully I have an easy day at work since I wasn't able to get it off!