morning

#1 a clutter free counter
#2 my every day staples: coconut flour (needs to be refilled), flax seeds, tapioca flour, honey.
#3 my favorite piece of furniture, which was in the house when we moved in.
#4 our loft bedroom.  Shea pulled out all of his clothes looking for his "mario" outfit (overalls and red shirt)
#5 loved ones framed.
#6 clean floors (mostly) and clutter free view.
#7 folding and stuffing cloth diapers - a moment of peace in the mundane
#8 tea in my favorite cup.
#9 slipper season.
#10 girl eating noodles
#11 french press.  I broke ours a few months ago and just found this beauty at the thrift store yesterday.
#12 my kitchen windowsill.  Sometimes I feel like a mad scientist, as I always have things floating in glass jars.

Some mornings start out on the wrong foot.

This was one.  I have been feeling tired and edgy since I woke up.

Inspired by my landlord being in town this weekend, I was finally able to get some of the clutter and chores done that have been piling up all week.  Finally vacuumed and picked up all the odds and ends around the house, I even swept behind a few pieces of furniture and cleaned up the bathroom.   

This took some time, as Hailey has been extra needy this morning.  Shea has been in a “be mean to little sister even though she did nothing to bother me” mood.  She didn’t get very much sleep last night either.   She never really does.  She has always woken up and cried several times during the night.  It’s just that now, she goes back to sleep without me doing much other than giving her a reassuring pat and reminder to go “night-night”.

But last night, she woke up screaming like she was scared to death. Jeremy even hopped up out of bed to check on her before me, and he doesn’t usually even seem to notice when she cries at night.  I’m not sure if children that young get night terrors, but that’s what it was like, because it took a while to calm her down.  She is napping now.  And Shea is patiently waiting while I have some mommy time before we play and do school work.

I’m glad to have some time to restart my day.  I made myself a cup of tea.  Black peach tea with a drop of honey and my homemade almond milk.

Mmm. 

I opened my devotional and it was basically exactly what I needed to hear at this moment.  It was a challenge and reminder for me to try and see things through God’s perspective and to let the little things go.  The passage it took me to was 2^nd Corinthians 4:17-18:

 “For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.  So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen.  For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” 

When I think about this in the context of parenting, I see how it is so easy to get stuck obsessing and fretting about the seemingly constant negatives that I see in my children’s behavior (and my own!) each day and forget about the bigger picture.  The part I don’t see is what I am instilling in them each day that will come to fruition when they are older – whether that be good or bad.  

Yesterday, I read a preschool devotional to Shea and we talked about planting seeds of good words and actions, because what we plant comes up.  It was helpful that we had planted some seeds together in the garden and harvested vegetables as an illustration.  I constantly am wondering, “What things am I planting in my children?”  I suppose a tree is known by its fruit, and someday, I will see.  I know every parent has regrets, but at least if I am actively pursuing a fruitful harvest (not perfection) in my children’s lives, then I can trust God to fill in the gaps.  

I am trying to remember that these “momentary troubles” are nothing in light of God’s glory and grace and are in many ways, what causes us to grow.  Discipline becomes much easier when viewed not as a chore, but as an opportunity for growth (and not just me disciplining my children, but when I am being disciplined also!).  And when we display patience and love and peace and encouragement and tenderness in these moments, a seed is planted.  In the same way, when I react in frustration, annoyance, inconsistency, and unkindness  I am planting another kind of seed.  Many times, the reason for this reaction is selfishness.  I am too busy to properly "deal" with (insert situation here).  It is simply my “ME-centeredness” that keeps me from being the kind of parent and person I know God would want me to be.  Oh, that I would learn the kind of servants heart to drop everything for the people around me!  It seems an impossible task.

And maybe that is precisely the point.